The "Stubborn" Child

During my time as a speech therapist I have heard many parents, teachers, and therapists refer to children as stubborn. While I am not denying that some children deserve this title, I believe that it is overused and potentially harmful. What does it mean that a child is stubborn? Merriam-Webster defines stubborn as "unreasonably or perversely unyielding". When we say a child is stubborn, we are saying "He can do that, but he won't." Unfortunately, labeling a child as stubborn leads to the assumption that a child is simply flawed in character. In my experience, many children who are truly struggling are labeled as stubborn or lazy. When we recognize that children are struggling rather than being stubborn, we can help them make progress. This means switching our mindset from: "She won't do that" to "She can't do that...yet!" The bottom line is, when a child CAN perform a new skill, they WILL! Once we break free from the label "stubborn", it gives us the opportunity to truly meet children where they are and teach them, rather than condemning them from the start. 

Sometimes realizing that a child needs help can be scary. It means time and effort put into therapy and other interventions. Often, it means that the child may get a diagnosis or a label. I understand the hesitation, but my hope is that by removing the label of "stubborn" and replacing it with a more accurate label, we can help children overcome their challenges and embrace their strengths.

I have to give credit to Laura Mize whose books, podcasts, and blog posts have heavily influenced my view on this topic. For those interested, her website is www.teachmetotalk.com.